I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
