My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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