Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My ass is underappreciated
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If I die, sorry about rent.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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