dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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