I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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