If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
