escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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