oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
