Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
