We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
