he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
this just has baby written all over it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
