First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We left the knife in your bed.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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