I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
