Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
