I cockslap morals
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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