There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
