Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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