i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
