Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
