woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
