she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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