happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
