Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
