Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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