This house was built for laser tag.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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