i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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