This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
