So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
50% drunk capacity currently
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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