i was born a porn star she said
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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