Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
