Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
