see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
