We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wish there were birth control emojis
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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