The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
