He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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