Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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