angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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