So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
