i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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