this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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