so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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