My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
