I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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