I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
