Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
