I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
