I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
