ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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