I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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