Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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