Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
