I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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