I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
