Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
