you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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