actually, I'm a sock model
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
