the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
