if i died would you start the facebook group?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
