this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
