My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
