Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
