its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
