oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
