I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
